Rich Little Comes To Bedrock

Maybe it just seems that way today.

So far, I've had one driver do a dead-on impression of Ronald Reagan on the CB, only to be answered by Hank Hill's "What the hell?"

Never a dull moment.

A Resemblance?

Hmmm…..seems like
T1G is a little overly occupied with looks lately. This is a picture he’s posted attempting fratricide at a very tender age:



Then he goes on to list people he has facial qualities in common with, or at least I think that’s what he’s doing. This early in the day, he might be sober.
I, however, have done some investigating on my own, and as proof offer the following:



T1G, honey, your dad was really Richie Brockelman.

From the Mail Bag...

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured
out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when
babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast
to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the HOV lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a
radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner! ?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle
Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride;
he sticks his head out the window?

Last Words

Borrowed from T1G:

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"Goodbye. I am leaving because I am bored."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

It Never Ends

I was reading over at Bou's about her self-doubts with parenting. Wish I could give her words of encouragement, but...

My dad has a routine on the weekends; he's up at the crack of dawn, driving into town for his senior Diet Coke at McDonald's and to check out whether we are up and around or not. It's kind of a game, I always call him when I see him drive by. Last Saturday, as his pickup went cruising past the house, I called and wished him good morning. Dad's reply?

"Looks to me like yer raisin' yer family all over again."

Oh- the extra pickup and Explorer out front must have been a dead giveaway.

Guess I didn't do a good enough job the first time.

But honestly....I love having kids in the house again, even if those "kids" are grown men.

Oh Fer....

It's fucking snowing!!!

The Illustrated Family

We ARE a very "illustrated" group. Old Sarge is the only one who has not felt the need to adorn himself with body art. The rest of us, well, we're very decorative.

When our latest arrival back to the nest had on a sleeveless shirt this weekend, I saw that he had a new addition. His friend Adam Hartley was killed in Iraq while they were both over there, and our son had a very elaborate cross and interwoven banner tattooed on his upper arm with Adam's name and dates. And above the cross, it reads:

No Regerts

OH.SHIT.

That, unfortunately, is NOT a typo on my part.

Adoration

Good Lord, this child has made me maudlin'.

Great, great weekend, more later.

***I should note that shortly after this picture was taken, The Heiress had a completely filthy face and was giving her grandpa some pretty dirty looks for not warning her soon enough that dirt clods don't taste so hot.***

I noticed...

...that I actually have to WRITE something for folks to leave comments. If that's not genius, I don't know what is.

The truth is, between my 60 hour a week job and feeling like dog crap, I don't have alot to say. But I will entertain you with what Old Sarge and the Toxic Twins (oh yeah, Beer Wagon made it in from Georgia last night- two 26 yr. olds back home!)have to look forward to when I get home:

My back yard & patio-
There are piles of leaves, twigs & branches that desperately need burned all over hell. There is a riding lawn mower that does not run that has sat in front of the garage for 3 years; it has all sorts of crap accumulated under it. There are wood scraps and nasty paint brushes on the ground. There is a broken push mower between the house and garage. Weeds are more plentiful than stone in the driveway. There is a fuking refrigerator sitting outside the garage. And on and on and on....

It ends tonight. And God help anyone who defies me....

More Crap

I had some really insightful ponderings today, truly I did. But my partner cut loose with some venison snack stix he was given, and....sigh....there are some things I just should not eat anymore and do anyway. And I have a BAD cough.

So Bob is laughing, yelling at me in the bathroom about this dog he had that someone fed too many Milk Bones to, and every time the dog started barking it was spraying shit everywhere.

Some people might think that's funny. Me, it just drove any profound musings I might have had right out of my head.

The TB Ward

Our close friend Hacking Cough has invited guests over, Phlegm Puke and Contagious Crap. Interesting night at Poverty Flats, trying to figure out who was getting the bathroom and who had to settle for the kitchen sink, while the last man out got to standby in abject panic.

There, poo and vomit in the same post!

Hair Brained

This post is entirely for AWTM:

On Saturday, I cut my own hair.
At home.
Didn't color it.
Only cut my fingers twice.

And NOTHING FUNNY happened the whole time I was doing it!

Today's Reading Assignments

Since I am under the weather- I can honestly say my family makes me sick! - I'm just going to point y'all in the direction of some good stuff:

Shayna has a new Eugene post up, and we need to keep him in our prayers right now.

The Rude 1 has a companion piece about combat vets that's worth the read. I promise, darlin', I'm linkin' ya once I get to feeling better!

An Explanation

I've mentioned that I've been married before. I am VERY dure that out of complete embarrassment I neglected to mention how many times. At any rate, in between my children's father and Old Sarge passed four years that has surely cut my time in Purgatory substantially. The Bastard did have two daughters, one who lived with us quite a bit, and one he wouldn't even claim as his for years. This is the younger one, Miss South Dakota:



She would be about 19 by now, if memory serves. I bet The Bastard claims her now. Her older sister is even more beautiful; she sent me a Mothers Day card two years ago, and I never wrote her back. It wasn't that I don't care, but damn! I want nothing to do with that man even remotely, and I questioned whether I could keep in touch with the girls and still know nothing, hear nothing about The Bastard. And since the girls made sure that I would be watching this Friday (the oldest daughter still keeps in touch with people here and asked to pass the message on to me) I wonder now if I did the right thing. Oldest Daughter even lived with ME well after our divorce because The Bastard had shacked up with someone in another town and was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. (Damn, that makes me VERY proud- that I caused it)Youngest Daughter, well, mostly we had a contest of wills on whether she would eat an entire box of Otter Pops by herself and leave nothing for the other kids. Most obviously, she hasn't been hitting the Otter Pops too much lately.

I wonder now if I did the right thing. Did I?

A favor

I hate asking favors, but if y'all would be kind enough to go
here and vote for Miss South Dakota as most photogenic, I would be very grateful.

Und so?

You Are 76% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

We interrupt this broadcast

Pardon me for a moment….

***Crash!!!Bang!!***
(sounds of wood splintering and glass breaking)



***BAM!BAM!BAM!***


(Computer goes out the broken door)

***Rrrrrr-Raarrr-rrrrr! Hissssss!***



(cat follows the computer out the door)

***Tweet! Tweet! Twee….ack!***



(Bluebird of Happiness has its head bit off)


*pant*pant*pant*


Thank you. I feel much better.

(disclaimer- no animals were actually harmed in the making of this virtual grand mal hissy fit)

Blue Nun

Hmmmmm…..



I guess there is a slight resemblance….

In honor of one more of my boys returning safe and sound to civilian life, I would like to direct your attention to another fantastic soldier, the inimitable SGT Hook, who has hit another out of the park with this.

MIA

Sorry for the lack of entertainment around here. The fascinating industry of making big rocks into little rocks has exploded the past few weeks and I've had to, ya know, work instead of reading blogs all day. Add into the mix that Old Sarge is sick, Oldest Son is sick, the Beer Wagon was supposed to get out of the Army on the 5th but his paper work got messed up, we don't know where he is (hey, Young SGT , you haven't seen him, have you?)we just know he hasn't made it here yet....on and on. And if I don't make plane reservations to Arizona NOW I will have one more child extremely pissed since her graduation is a month from today from NAU.
OH- and youngest son is getting married in June as soon as his girlfriend graduates from high school but he doesn't know where yet. There has got to be a way I can talk to his CO and get this bullshit stopped, isn't there??

Things Change

Life's funny that way. For the longest time, things go along in their usual routine, day in, day out, nothing much changes. Your life runs its course, and much like walking in your home in the dark, you navigate with an assured knowledge that you KNOW where things are.
Then, suddenly and without warning, you find yourself plunged into the cold waters of reality.

Someone left the seat up on the toilet.

Yeah, that's all I've got. Toilet seats. I am SO outnumbered.

What's in a Name?

I saw this over at Richmond's and since I am bereft of printable blog fodder today, here goes:

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)
Babe Washington ( actually, the street name's my last address, I live on a numbered street now)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mother's side, your favorite candy)
Esther Twizzler (hey Richmond- my gram's was Esther also!)

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name
M Fay- well that sucks, that IS my last name. I need me a bigger name.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)
Appaloosa Blue

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Jo Dixon

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Fayers Jet ( I had to borrow my brother's dog )

7. JEDI NAME (first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name, first two of your mother's maiden name, first three of the town you were born in)
Fayma Mydix

Mydix?? Dang, that sounds...nasty!

Late for Tartan Day

I've been terribly busy at work and completely missed the Gathering! Damn!
My heritage is mainly German, Scots and Cherokee, which would make me, um, an American. Of all the family history, this story gives the most insight as to why my fmaily is the way it is:

"The Keiths were also involved in feuds especially after they took possession of the lands in Caithness, with their neighbours there, the Gunns. In the 15th century in an attempt at reconciliation, the two clans planned to meet with twelve clansmen each. However the Keiths arrived with two men on each horse and attacked the Gunns while they were at prayer."

I sure hope The Gunn Nutt doesn't see this.

Prayer for the Day

Dear God,

My partner brought me jalapeno pepper cheese for breakfast. Was that just considerate, or is he trying to kill me?

Um, excuse me....

Thank you,
Raging Mom

Small Towns

This is old, and I've seen it on other sites, but it still makes me laugh because every line of it is true! If you have your own small town story, please leave it in the comments.

Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this.
Those who didn't will be in disbelief.
1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road.
4) On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)
5) You used to "drag" Main.
6) You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour.
7) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
8) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.)
9) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
10) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
11) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
12) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
13) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn right at the school, right at the church , and it's just down from the rink.
14) The golf course had only 9 holes.
15) You couldn't help but date a friend's exboyfriend/girlfriend.
16) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.The town next to you was considered "trashy" or "snooty," but was actually just like your town.
17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1965 as the rich people.
18) The people in the "big city" dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the town bar.
20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
22) Directions were given using THE stoplight as a reference.
23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.
25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
27) The closest McDonalds was 45 miles away (or more).
28) The closest mall was over an hour away.
29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
30) You've pee'd in a field.
31) Most people went by a nickname.