Monday, January 16, 2006

Ah Memories!

Being chauffeured as I am lately, I've had some really good conversations when I normally would be riding alone. One such occurred last week while bumming a ride with my favorite driver at work, reminiscing on some of the bizarre crap that goes on in Bedrock.

Some years ago, there was a driver from another trucking company that was in here almost daily. He was a huge man, well over 6' and at least 350 lbs. His "handle" was Breeder; not sure how that came about, but I have my guesses. At any rate, Breeder loved to talk raunchy on the CB. The more...vivid the detail, the more he would expound upon on it. I don't think there's one person in CB range that didn't know he and his wife had a trapeze in their bedroom (alledgedly) because he was afraid his weight would crush her.
So, one day someone left a bag on my desk as a joke. Said bag contained a pretty impressive replication of male genitalia- all of it- Willie and the twins. No one ever fessed up, or left me any clue why they thought I needed this, But I thought it was pretty funny. So funny in fact, that the joke just couldn't stop there.
At this point, Breeder was geting ready to retire soon. Favorite Driver and I came up with a plan to send him off in style. He knew where Breeder parked his truck at night, so he took my toys with him, plus a roll of duct tape, and taped that thing to the grill of Breeder's truck. A Peterbilt, no less.
The next morning, Breeder comes rolling off the scale, oblivious to his new grill ornament. We're waiting in the scale house, just hootin' and hollerin', camera in hand. I walked outside to get a picture for posterity, and people, I've never come so close to pissing myself in public. Even at an idle, big diesel motors cause quite a vibration, and there, proudly on that grill, was our present to Breeder waving happily to all of us. He'd driven around all morning not realizing the greeting he was giving to passing motorists. It must have been a good fifteen minutes before we all composed ourselves enough to get back to business. I even got a picture of Breeder's truck enlarged and framed- he said his wife loved it and had hung it on the wall.


At 1/16/2006, Anonymous T1G said...

Heheheh... that's just brutal. Funny, but brutal.


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