Monkey on my Back

I'm not normally a procrastinator; I hate for things to be left unfinished with a deadline approaching. Unfortunately that's the position I'm in now, and the closer the deadline comes, the more bereft I am of words on paper. Damn! Just now I am mentally roaming the aisles of the local pharmacy, looking for that magic bottle that relieves constipation of the brain.

So if anyone has a suggestion what I can write in General Orders that would inspire the good Ladies of the VFW Auxiliary in the entire state of Illinois to send their friggin' Americanism reports in on time, I'm open to anything at this point.