Thursday, August 03, 2006

A Hummer is Not a Hummer?

CAUTION: Yes, this post will include references to oral sex. Sorry. Deal. There will also be a survey.

Old Sarge and I met with Al’s kids for drinks last night before they took off for home. Son #2 joined us. OS, Diane and I were deep in a reminiscing mode; we all had the same friends and were regaling the younger generation with tales of dating, drinking and debauchery.
At one point during one of our stories, Diane asked OS about a particular thing, and he said he couldn’t remember, he was dating “T” at the time. Now, being privy to the information that “T” had administered Old Sarge’s first blow job, I shared with the group. (As an aside of no importance, “T”’s husband works for me quite often. Every time he comes in to get his assignment, I think, “Damn, his wife gave my husband his first hummer. Wonder if he knows?”)

Back to the story, Diane and I are hooting it up about OS getting a hummer; that was the word I used. Son #2 is looking absolutely mortified, and states that that is the most disgusting thing he’s ever heard.

Now, I do not normally discuss oral sex in polite company, but we are not polite, we are old friends and anything goes. I also think there are things that are normal and things that are deviant, and a BJ doesn’t fall into the latter category in my opinion. So I was a little puzzled about Son #2’s reaction.

RM: What’s wrong with a hummer?
Son #2: It’s just gross, that’s what!
OS: What the hell is so gross about it?
Son #2: I just think it’s gross to get sucked off while you’re taking a shit.
(synchronized *blink* from the older generation)
OS: That is NOT what a hummer is.
(RM and Diane shaking heads, spewing cocktails)
Son #2: Well, maybe it wasn’t a hundred years ago, but that’s what it means now.

Okay, people, am I getting so friggin’ old that I don’t know what a hummer is anymore? Has anyone else heard this, or is my son a moron? Please comment.

Gratuitous BJ joke:
What’s the difference between a wife and a job?
After 5 years, the job still sucks.

Another BJ joke:
Why do brides look so happy on their wedding day?
They realize they just gave their last blow job.


At 8/03/2006, Blogger Richmond said...

Uh no. That is not *my* definition of a "hummer" either. Good God.

And jsut for the record, I'm not that old... I'm 35. I guess I should begin to worry about kids today....

At 8/03/2006, Anonymous shayna said...

Um... I'm 29 and a "hummer" still means what you think it means... I NEVER heard your sons definition... his definition is horribly gross.

Do not think I would ever give a guy a BJ while he is taking a dump... that is just simply... GROSS! That would never turn me on and how in the heck could that turn a guy on while he is taking a dump?? Blows (no pun intended) my mind! :) :) :)

At 8/04/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

he's a moron. HUmmer is just like it says. I prefer "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" Lots of tonal variation.

At 8/04/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Umm being one of your youngest and the most hip to what's going on in pop culture, I'm quite sure #2 is retarded. Maybe he thought it dealt with shit because you call him #2..

The act Joel referenced is actually called a "Stinky Lollipop."

That is indeed NOT a hummer, however, if a man can find a woman who will do that, ('while he is drinking a margarita' is optional), then said man should indeed propose to her right then and there, because he will never in 239488957 years find another woman like her. I believe that's written down somewhere....

At 8/04/2006, Anonymous t1g said...

How many times did you drop #2 on his head?


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